I can see clearly now, the stain is gonzo. . .

I saw this product last night in the laundry room of my building. Perhaps I'm just too sensitive after Mr. Thompson's recent demise, but they have no damn right! As usual, ridicule's the only weapon of a poor man. Therefore,

Possible True-to-Name Ways Gonzo® Stain Remover Removes Stains

Trades stain and two tickets to the Super Bowl to some winos for their half-empty bottle of Muscat.

Takes stain on a long wild drug-addled speed-haunted trip through the desert to San Antonio, drops it off tripping balls in the center of the Republican City Aldermen’s Association annual meeting, and leaves.

Throws radio into the tub with the stain when the rabbit bites its own fucking head off.

Hallucinating and sweating buckets of bullets after chewing a big fat Bonobo pineal gland and drinking six isopropyl ’n’ Cokes, cowers behind the Great Seal of the State of Colorado while leveling a Smith and Wesson at the stain and ranting, “Back, you savage bastard, back!”

Rolls stain up with rough cut mentholated tobacco and high-test Moroccan kif, smokes the bejeezus out of it, and libelously lambasts several Supreme Court justices in a thirty-thousand-word typewriter flagellation session to be published by Rolling Stone circa 1991.

Comment with more, kind reader(s).